Fuckers...

I PASSED MY DRIVERS TEST!!!!! WOOT!

   I'm so fucking happy. I just got back from the ski-hill.. It's sooo much better just driving now instead of calling my parents all the time to pick me up. I love this shit.. haha.. but my brother complained that I got to drive the truck.. I hate him.

And I proved alot of people wrong... So you unbelievers. GO DIE.. haha

you guys suck at commenting..

I DO NOT want it to snow tomorrow..... I want to go to the Motion City Soundtrack concert... And my mom won't go if the roads are really bad. But if it is a snowday tomorrow I am going over to travs to get pulled on a sled behind a car. Because that's fun... haha.

BYE..<3

Yoo...

   Happy Valentines everyone!.. haha I thought I would have a horrible day, but it wasn't that bad.. It SNOWED!!!! =)... and Nick gave me a v-day present... Which was kinda shocking considering he's never done that before. and  I didn't expect him to. but it was really cute... Even though everyone had to joke around about last year when Nick L. sent me roses. They were saying shit like, "so, alexanna, nick L. got you another v-day gift eh?"... looooooosers..
   So, tonight I am going to cuddle up in the couch, eat the chocolates Nick F. gave me, and watch sappy love movies, and try to get over the fact that I am spending this valentines alone... I wish I could go get that SAW 2 movie... haha I might get it tomorrow after I get my license!!! ((wish me luck)) I heard from a million people taking the test in Wautoma is really easy.. and all I did wrong in my lesson yesterday was miss my blind spots.. I hate looking at my blindspots... So... I SHOULD get it. =)
   It's supposed to snow Thursday... very badly... and honestly.. I don't want it too. Because I REALLY want to go to the Motion City Soundtrack concert and see The SPILL CANVAS! urgh I'll be soooo pissed if it's too bad to go..

ahh yah, that's really at it for now..

Blah....
    Snowboarding comp. was today. I got fourth, even though I totally should have gotten 3rd. Some girl from Milwaukee did a 360 and got first. Kristin got 2nd, and another girl from Milwaukee got 3rd. Even though she fell on the rail both times and I did them perfectly she still got better than me. Which really pissed me off. I know it was because of the judges because Jason did a cork 5 and got 5th place. and all the other guys did grabs and 360's.... Everyone knew he should have been in first place. That was total bullshit.
   Whatever.... I'm over it. I'm just glad I actually went into the comp. because I was really scared. I was the first girl to go and it sucked alot... I didn't even bother staying for the big air because I knew I would get pissed off at the judges again...

this was the only good pic of me in the comp...

You'd Think I Outta Be Used To That By Now... </3

   Hmmm yah, I could die right about now...

   The same shit everyday... It's like I have to make everyone happy.. and forget about myself. 5 fucking people came up to me today and started talking about Andy... It's like... WTF! isn't it obvious that I don't want to be with him!? And it's too awkward for me to be able to talk to him... Seriously.
   It's really not my fault that I had to go and dump him, but, it is my fault for making him like me, because of course alexanna can never get over Nick... What's better? Faking a relationship and acting like I'm happy... Or... Telling everyone the god damn truth even though they will NEVER understand why... Then they say... "I just want you to be happy again, and maybe give nick another chance..." then right out of no where they come telling me to talk to Andy about everything, and Andy loves you... Andy talks about you all the time, and BLAH!.... It's like this place would be better off if I just fucking die.
   Fucking christ..... everyone is pissing me off lately... so whatever. I fucking give up.. It's like I can never do anything that I want to do without having someone to bitch about it.. Sorry that I'm fucking depressed and I can't get over nick, and I can't make Andy happy, and that my dad was sent to the ER yesterday and I'm not in the fucking mood, sorry that I am such a selfish whore that fucking "wants" attention. afjkasljfkldjfkljd!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No one fucking understands... Not one damn person.

   All I want more than anything in the world is to have my life back.. When me and my friends would be soo happy together and hyper, when I went to bed at night and being so anxious to see everyone I love, taking full advantage of every minute I had with everyone, and trying to make the best of it... Now I pray to god at night hoping that I'll never wake up, knowing that the next day is just going to be the same... Honestly if I were to survive highschool, I don't want to look back on it like it was the worst time of my life... But how everything has been lately, it's prolly going to end up that way.
   And it doesn't help that my friends are having problems either... It's like no one is happy anymore. And then when someone is happy, they get brought down because no one else isn't having a great time. and ofcourse it's always my fault... Even though I'm not the only one being a crab to everyone... But whatever blame it on me, I'm used to that shit anyway.

   Maybe if I act fake to everyone ((like 90% of the people are like here)) and have my fake relationship, and my fake happiness, and my fake friends, and my fake lovely life, then people would lay off. But no.... wait!.. someone would prolly STILL say that I'm doing something wrong. Because... you know, my whole life revolves on their decisions, and making them happy. I can never have anyones 100% support on something that I want in my life...

   SOOOOO..... since I want attention, and I don't know what pain is, and I have to make andy happy, and I have to do what everyone else says, and I'm a selfish whore, and when I AM happy someone has to bring me back down, and.... ahh fuck it.. No one truely cares.. Because when you read this, your going to be thinking.. "OMG.... she's soooo stupid!.. here we go again!"

   I fucking give up

Let's Get Fucked Up And Die... </3

   Blah........
  
   Well, me and my mom got into this huge fight yesterday on the way home... About Nick of course.. She was being a whore. Rubbing all this shit in, of how horrible of a daughter I am, and I do all these bad things. Which is totally not true. I've been clean for the past what? 7 months?.. idk I don't really want to talk about what was said. When we got home, I went into my room and wouldn't come out till now. All I did was lay in my bed... I didn't move, prolly why I'm so out of it right now. I passed out about 5 times today..
   ANYWAY.... she came up to me and said that I could be with Nick if I really wanted to. Which of course comes with a million rules, and she rubbed reality in my face along with it. Shit like, He's going to cheat on you, he's always with other girls I can tell, he parties all the time, he's going to lie to you, use you, BLAH BLAH BLAH... she was prolly true, but I didn't want to hear it.... She said since nothings working she is going to make me find out the hard way.... thanks mom......
   Rules include...
1. Going home whenever she calls.. ((as in maybe I'll be with him maybe 10 min. a week))
2. He's not allowed in the basement... ((prolly not even allowed in the house))
3. I can't smoke, drink, do drugs. ((which I didn't plan to))
4. I have to get him tested... bitch..
5. He's not allowed to be in my car. ((which means... how the hell am I going to see him when he doesn't have a car??))
6. ahh... I have to get over a 3.0 average.
   You get the point...

Ohhh and now I'm prolly not allowed to go on the chior trip now...... fucking lovely!.

   I'm not finding much of this worth it... But I'm not happy with anyone else.. And he would have to do ALOT of changing.... which is prolly too much of a challenge for him... and if he broke my heart again I would prolly succeed at killing myself this time...
   If he can't even prove me wrong, how the hell is he going to prove my mom wrong?....

   GAH.... this shit sucks.... =(

http://www.myspace.com/zannaxdoo

Fucking add me. =)

-----------------------------------------------------------
Brunetteness....

Before Pic... ((the natural blondness))



BYE... </3